Contradictions

Sometimes, I feel like a bundle of contradictions.

From far away, my hair looks light brown. Look close enough and you will see dark brown, light brown, blonde, and red hairs...and even a gray or two. I blame it on the stress.

I often have ideas of grand adventures around Minnesota and the world, but any hankering for spontaneity is almost always overtaken by routine.

I also have a desire to sunbathe my skin out of the "pasty white European" stage. This desire is countered by my epidermis' dislike for ultraviolet rays. Just an hour in partly cloudy conditions gets me hives, sun poisoning, or both.

The first and third contradictions are largely on the surface and ultimately not that important in the long run. However, the second coincides with one of the biggest contradictions I have been mulling over for the past months:

I am an introvert who wants to be an extrovert.

Our society values extroversion, the ability to go out conquer the world head-on all while maintaining handfuls of professional and personal relationships. I want to fit into this society, to be able to function as boisterous, fearless go-getter. As I mature and gain further understanding into how I function, how God designed me, I am more aware of the challenge in being true to myself and functioning successfully in America. How do I reconcile my desire for a mostly quiet, personal, introspective existence with the desire to be more?

In the past few days I have found a multiple blog posts and articles on this topic. While they don't provide answers, they provide a certain affirmation and a much clearer direction for my inner turmoil. As I read some of these I wanted to get up an do a happy dance - there are other people out there who are like me, who understand what it is like and are reaching out with the knowledge they have!

10 Myths About Introverts - the blog post that started this phenomenon for me. I followed the link in Adam Young's tweet and haven't looked back since.

Is Shyness an Evolutionary Tactic - an article written by Susan Cain (the author of blog below) for the New York Times. It challenges our society's rejection of introversion as normal, especially in the medical, education and business realms, while highlighting influential historical figures who were introverts.

QUIET: The Power of Introverts - a blog that I have been devouring ever since I discovered it yesterday. Every post gives me so much to think about and strives to make introversion just as valuable as extroversion.

I still face the challenge every day of deciding when and where I get to be my introverted self and when it is time to push myself beyond any self-imposed boundaries. I don't want my penchant for being quiet and shy to be an excuse for spending too much time at home as it was for so many years. There are adventures to be had, people to meet, new things to discover - but there will always be time for quiet as well.