Where Do I Find My Worth?

Tonight is the end of a very long day...and a long week. Vomiting, short naps, an angry slap across my face, and toddlers generally running amok made for a trying day. Things didn't get much better after I got out of work. Don't go threatening your child or putting on a big ghetto facade or kicking a pigeon and then look at me for some kind of reaction or approval - all you'll get is a scowl.

The cherry on top of this week is the fact that I have managed to contract another lovely communicable disease of the young - not exactly difficult where I work. I feel gross and I just want it to go away, but it won't go away overnight.

When I feel like I'm "dirty" and even less of a person because of all this sickness I'm getting, I try to remind myself of the honor that can be found in it. Making myself vulnerable to the germs that are more easily found in an urban childcare center by showing up each day, hugging my kids, letting them play with my hair, holding their hands, and rocking them to sleep is a service to them. That is what I wanted to do all along: serve the children who needed it most. It doesn't matter what germs they are carrying; if I get sick while taking care of my toddlers, then so be it.

That's what I'll keep telling myself.