A Synopsis of My Life Consisting of Varied and Succinct Thoughts

You know you live in Minnesota when you walk a mile over snow-packed sidewalks on a brisk winter evening...and LIKE IT.


Status symbols have a frustratingly overwhelming influence on Americans, myself included. Sometimes it seems like the only way to really break free would be to move far, far away. Who's with me?


Our lives have been built around the ability to drive anywhere in our own vehicles. Get a nice house in the suburbs, take the freeways to work, go to a church half an hour away, buy a month's worth of groceries at once...you get my point. This makes my desire to become a bicycle commuter slightly more challenging.


During my annual crocheting binge, I discovered that I have been crocheting the wrong way. Probably explains why my previous projects have been so difficult.


Someday, I want to dive off a cliff into a beautiful blue ocean. One thing stands in my way: I am almost 24 years old and I don't know how to swim.


My taxes are more complicated than ever before this year, but I think I'm going to do them myself just to show the people that charge too much money to do it for you.


Saturday Night Live makes me laugh. Laughter is good.


Baby M got an awesome new toy...if you press all 6 of the instrument buttons then it plays each instruments' part of a classical song! Unfortunately, I am more entertained by this than the baby.


An hour of my morning was spent studying for book club at Panera with a cup of coffee. It was like being in college again - I loved studying in coffee shops!


For some reason, Roseville never gave Victoria Street sidewalks. Combine a lack of sidewalks with poorly plowed snow and fast cars and you get my slightly unnerving one block walk from the bus stop to work. Drivers of Roseville, thank you for not running me over...yet.

There's No Place Like Home

In the midst of my Sunday evening cleaning and organizing, the song issuing from my laptop speakers brought on an interlude of introspection.

I drove 300 miles from the place I call home

Upon hearing those lyrics I began thinking. Thinking about how my past roommates have always used "home" to refer to wherever their parents are. Thinking about how "home" was wherever I happened to be living. Thinking about what really felt like home.

Some families put their roots down in one place, one town, one house, and stay there for years. Other families move from place to place for whatever reason. My family fell into the second category. We moved a lot. I could count on the fact that eventually we would be packing everything up and moving to some other place.

That's what each new dwelling became: some other place. Each time we moved I felt less connected with our "home." Even today, I never finish unpacking when I move. There are always boxes that sit in a closet waiting for the next time we load up the moving truck. I want to decorate, find a place for everything, make the space my own, but there is always a little voice that says, "What's the point? You'll just have put it back in a box when your lease is up."

My sisters and I have often talked about the two places that we identify as home, the two places that have never changed: our grandparents' homes. Little things change as they do in every house, but the "Grandpa and Grandma's house" that I have known since I could first remember will always be there. Every time I visit my grandparents, I know that the beds will be in the same place, the cereal will be in the same cupboard, the same grandfather clock will chime, the same radio station will turn on at 5 AM, the same family heirlooms will be prominently displayed, the same sliced cheese will be in it's special container, the same playhouse will be visible in the backyard, the same nightlight will be in the bathroom, the same pictures will be on the wall.

That is when I am home.

"Do You Hear That? It's the Winds of Change."

It has been almost two months since I left my first job behind. These past weeks have been spectacular: getting to know baby M; watching him grow both physically and cognitively; and getting to know my employers. My delight in little babies has only grown as I have become more amazed at God's handiwork in this tiny little human!

When I accepted my new job, I knew that it would come with a pay cut. I did a little math to make sure that I would still be able to pay all of my bills and told myself that less money would mean more practice in responsible spending.

Fast forward two months and you will find a young woman, previously very financially immature, who has worked and reworked her budget many times. The jump from mindless, careless and selfish spending to keeping track of every single dollar has been a challenge. Every two weeks I sit down and figure out exactly how much will stay in my checking account to pay bills electronically, while the rest of my budget requires a cash-only approach. It's too easy to just hand over a piece of plastic without paying attention to where that invisible money should really be going.

Figuring out my budget has not always been very uplifting, as my bad decisions are coming back to haunt me with sky-high interest rates. Every once in awhile I tell myself that if I had stayed at my old job, I would have plenty of money to pay down my debts and save for the future. But if I had stayed where I was, I would still be spending the same irresponsible way. I know that I am better off financially where I am now, where I have no choice but to track every dollar.

So, I see two blessings within my new job; not only do I get to do what I have wanted to do for years, but I am learning how to be responsible with what God gives me.

And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

Luke 12:15

The Past and The Present

This afternoon, I saw a picture of one of my college professors. Almost immediately, I was struck with the same fear and feelings of inadequacy that usually taunted me in her presence.

Sometimes I think about what I've accomplished during college and in the 9 months since graduating, and for a few moments I feel proud of myself. Then I think about what it would be like to face that professor now, bearing all of my post-graduate accomplishments for her to see, and suddenly my pride shrivels up to almost nothing.

Funny how one person can have such a lasting influence.

Music and Memories

Sometimes, I am amazed at how a specific song can bring up memories, causing me to relive an entirely different time of my life. I heard Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls this afternoon and almost instantly remembered a day in first grade. We were on a bus leaving a field trip to some sort of nature center, and the "cool" girls were singing Waterfalls while I lamented not knowing all of the lyrics so that I could sing along.

After that flashback, I started thinking about other songs with the same time-traveling effect...

When I hear Breakfast at Tiffany's, I remember sitting in the Champlin Public Library watching VH1 with Kayla. We were so surprised that Deep Blue Something looked like a bunch of country singers!

One Sweet Day brings me back to third grade: Megan, Jennifer and I loved spending our recess sitting on the swings and singing Mariah Carey songs.

After The Lion King came out in theaters, WLite started playing Elton John's Can You Feel the Love Tonight. I remember well the day we sat in the car behind the St. Louis Park Burger King eating our just-purchased lunches. My mom didn't want her onions, so she threw them out the window for the blackbirds nearby.

College changed the way I experience Silent Night. We sang that song dozens of times for Christmas at Northwestern, and I will never forget standing in the dark, candlelit auditorium, waiting for the sound of the bell. Or hoping that I didn't trip down the steps.

Every time I listen to Fireflies, I travel to a time when snow was falling and I was closing in on the end of my first grade student teaching. I remember what it was like to drive the Ford Explorer and hope that I survive another day or feel grateful for making it through another day.

A few weeks ago, I added a new song to my list: The Book of Love. My sister and her fiance used this song for their wedding slideshow. I couldn't help buying the song for myself, and now when I listen to it I relive the moments when we hid in the back of sanctuary, smiling and anticipating.

Gratitude

This morning, I am grateful that God has given me a reason to wake up at 5:30, walk out the door on time, and see the sunrise as I walked down the quiet street to my bus stop.

I am grateful that the Twin Cities has a transit system that can get me almost anywhere I need to go...at least on the weekdays!

I am grateful for the ability to see all of the beautiful flowers being set out at the Farmer's Market downtown while sipping my delicious iced white mocha.

I am so grateful that every day is a new day, filled with new possibilities, a fresh batch of patience, and God's new mercies.

I am grateful that God has given me a new opportunity and that I can trust Him with the outcome, whatever it may be. Come mid-September, Lord willing, I will be doing something different but exciting with my days!

I am grateful that God has brought my sister and her fiance together, giving us an opportunity to gather and celebrate. August 14th is going to be the best day of the summer!

I am grateful for the ability to sing, no matter how poorly, and being able to enjoy it!

I am grateful for the ability to run and breathe, even if those two things in conjunction with each other are not very pleasant.

I am grateful for the faith God has given me and the hope He has provided for the future.

Having Faith

Right now, I'm not sure whether I will have the same job in 6 months.

Right now, I don't know if I will ever feel competent for my job.

Right now, I don't know if I will be able to afford a car anytime soon.

Right now, I don't know if or how God will fulfill the desires He has given me.

But right now, I know that I have found happiness where I am. Today, I know that God has extended grace and forgiveness to me through Jesus Christ. I know that I have been blessed with a job and the ability to fulfill my duties. I know that there are 7 sweet (and sometimes naughty) toddlers who rush me when I walk in the door after my lunch break. I know that I am looking forward to the next four weeks filled with opportunities to spend time with family and friends.

Right now, by God's grace, I am alright. That's enough.